


Cat Burglar

by htbthomas



Category: New Girl
Genre: Cat Videos, Cats, Gen, Mischief, Sitcomathon Treat
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-14
Updated: 2014-09-14
Packaged: 2018-02-17 05:52:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 970
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2298824
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/htbthomas/pseuds/htbthomas
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>But that doesn’t stop him from following his dream—to make the perfect cat video (shut up, it is <i>not</i> stupid, like all of you haven’t had way more stupid dreams that this, can’t a man reach for the stars?).</p>
            </blockquote>





	Cat Burglar

**Author's Note:**

  * For [touchedglitter](https://archiveofourown.org/users/touchedglitter/gifts).



> Hope you enjoy your little sitcomathon treat! 
> 
> Thanks to blithers, as usual!

It’s not that Winston doesn’t have better things to do with his life. He does. Or rather, he should say—it’s not like Winston doesn’t have _other_ things to do with his life. He could. But you know what? This makes him happy. 

And dammit, he doesn’t care that Schmidt murmurs passive-aggressively every time he passes by (either you are sporting the same shirt as yesterday, or your feline has an uncanny knack for depositing fur in a highly consistent manner), or that Coach gives him the are-you-serious eyeball just before turning on the game (yes I do need the volume up at max, or is that too baller for your sensitive little ears), or that Nick wanders into the middle of everything without even noticing (what, I always put my feet there, is that your set or something?), or that Jess wants to _help_ , even though she doesn’t know the first thing about composition (but look, it’s like he’s a tiny furry pastry chef!).

But that doesn’t stop him from following his dream—to make the perfect cat video (shut up, it is _not_ stupid, like all of you haven’t had way more stupid dreams that this, can’t a man reach for the stars?).

For practice, he’s done Nyan-Furg, Furgo-Pan, he’s done boozecat Furg during True American. Furguson doesn’t really care for boxes, or trashcans, or wearing hats. Hipster Furg only lasted a minute, because Furguson clawed off the hoodie immediately with a yowl (it took Winston hours to coax the cat out from under the sofa). He would have done Ceiling Furg, except that Schmidt would kill him if he cut a hole in the ceiling, even if he tricked Nick into doing it. Keyboard Furg was cute except it felt overdone, so he didn’t even finish editing it. 

“C’mere, boy,” he’s saying this time, waving a kitty treat over a wicker basket with one hand, while filming with the other. He grins just thinking of how adorable the bundle of fur will be all smashed into it, excess fluff sticking out of the sides.

Furguson keeps his distance, laconically cleaning one of his paws, long, slow licks that pull tufts of fur into spiky patches that then settle down. Winston shakes the cat treat bag next to the basket. Furguson stops, interested for a nanosecond, then goes back to grooming.

“Fine.” Winston tosses the whole bag of treats into the basket, frustrated. “No Basket Furg today.”

Then, quick as lightning, Ferguson races across the floor to take the basket in his teeth, and pelts with it into Winston’s bedroom. 

“Get back here you little treat thief!” Winston heads for the bedroom, crouching down to look under the bed. There’s Furguson, chowing down on the treats, bag almost over his head. Winston films him for a minute or two, chuckling. Jackpot!

“Treat Thief” gets a couple hundred views, nothing special, but every time he checks, the number soars a little higher, and, he’s not gonna lie, it’s awesome. “Hey, did you see the last one?” he asks when his four roommates are gathered on the couch, arguing over which movie to watch. “I think I might be onto something!” 

Their answers range from shrugged shoulders, a grunting nod, an “it was sooo cute” to “I guess if you _like_ cat videos it was okay” and then the argument resumes.

He bets they lied when they said they subscribed to his channel. Hmph.

So the next day, as Winston is setting up another basket, one of Coach’s ballcaps is on the coffee table, lying there discarded, even though Winston knows it’s one of Coach’s favorites. He shakes the treat bag, places it inside the cap, takes several steps back… and waits.

Furguson lifts his head from the cushion, eyes it briefly, then settles back down. Just when Winston is sure that the trick will never be repeated… Furguson is taking the brim in his teeth and scampering off.

He has to edit out his whoop of triumph.

Coach goes through the loft looking for the cap the next morning, frowning and muttering. Winston sips his coffee, slowly. Furguson digs in his litter box. Jess finally tells Coach she’s leaving for work without him and he throws out a couple choice swear words before stomping out. 

Winston waits a few days before trying the next one—after all, that many treats isn’t good for his little furball, and maybe, _just maybe_ , one of them will watch the video. At least one of those hits (higher than the last one!) has to be them.

Nope.

Still, it’s amusing to watch Coach digging around everywhere (except for where the cap actually is) in the morning. 

Over the few few days, he experiments with just how much he has to put into an item before Furguson will steal it. Not that many, as it turns out.

Now it’s just a waiting game.

“Where is it? I only wore that shirt twice! Dammit, I hate laundry month.”

“Mr. Wigglesworth? Have you seen my pink teddybear? I was going to use him as the talking piece for circle time!”

“St. Geneve Eiderdown pillows do not just disappear!”

Even if none of them ever figure it out, maybe somewhere out there, there’s a girl who’ll see his cat videos... and start up a conversation in the comments… and maybe it’ll lead to a torrid online romance and… he shakes his head. 

He’s got Furguson, and that’s better than any online romance. “Yeah, my little man,” he coos, nuzzling into Furguson’s fur. “You’re better than everything.”

As he hugs the cat, his eye catches on a pair of shoes left out. Might be Jess’s, might be that girl Schmidt has over… He grins. A few treats shaken into the insoles, the camera started up and it’s, “Action.”


End file.
